Finding a Partner/Love/Relationship

Hi Bonnie,

It’s Jomari, I am not sure if you remember me, but I was at the root chakra semi-private session and you told me I was a heavy hitter for the dark side before and that I had wings haha. Anyways, I am just coming off of a date who just triggered a whole lot of pain for me. The date was going well and I ended up sabotaging it by being to clingy and in the end it made her not want to see me again because it made her uncomfortable. I am truly devastated by this and I don’t understand it because I’ve only known her for a day, but it felt like I’ve known her a long time. She’s told me about her past and I know she’s got a history of cheating and I knew that would be a red flag, but that still didn’t stop me from being attracted to her. What I’m saying is, I don’t even think this person was the right match for me and I shouldn’t even be mad that she rejected me because she did me a favor. But I just can’t help telling myself how I fucked up and that I should have done things differently.

This is just an example of many. Most of my dates have similar patterns. I go on dates who aren’t really compatible to me, but I settle because that’s all “I can get.” I’ve never truly had a fulfilling date where I’ve met someone who I could see a beautiful future with. I tell myself that the girl of my dreams will come soon enough, I just have to keep searching. It is so frustrating. It feels like that love isn’t meant for me and that I’ll be alone forever. I feel that all in my chest area, so much tightness and hard muscles. It makes me feel so hopeless. I try so hard to be that person women want to be with and still end up with nothing. It makes dating feel so tiring.

I seem to have a pattern of being attracted to women who will just bring up pain in me or reject me. The women I attract are the ones I am not attracted with and also carry all kinds of baggage. Also when I see an attractive woman, I just tense up and try to run as far away as possible. I could never bring myself to ask them in person. There is so much fear of rejection/being humiliated that I’d rather not put myself out there. I always think that no woman that beautiful/hot will be attracted to me. Part of me wants to have a meaningful/loving relationship filled with joy and happiness, but I just can’t seem to find it. The other part of me tells me I don’t deserve that and that I have to be this perfect man to be able to even try to get it. It is such a painful cycle. This has been a pattern all my life that I’ve been trying to solve on my own and I am reaching out to you now because I’ve come to realize I need guidance. I have done your group clearings and I believe that they have helped tremendously, but haven’t solved this particular issue. I know through your teachings, that you can just get this to happen through will and wishing alone and that it probably didn’t start in this lifetime.

I hope you can help me with this and point me to the right way, people or clearings. Thank you in advance Bonnie.