Hi Bonnie

Please would you check to see if I have entities or a walk in trying to take control of my body/emotions/mind. If I don’t is it possible that this is just residual energy from burning the masonic bible or channelling whilst stoned? I’ve since been told by a friend, that at the time she thought I was high on LSD so I can only assume that the cannabis may have been laced 🙁

I have had a private clearing with you for channelling and burning the bible and I still listen to the replay almost daily.

There are still 2 or 3 continuous thought streams, and I react to them all as if they were mine. One minute I’ll be thinking of the highest and greatest good for all, the next i’ll be thinking about what’s best for me, then i’m thinking dark thoughts, spiteful, hateful, malicious thoughts of control and then i’m thinking where the hell is thinking brains off switch!!! I’m re-adopting all of my old coping mechanisms – fawning, emotional eating of foods that I had previously given up, chain smoking (previously given up) obsessive thinking (as if that’s gonna help, LOL) and whenever I try and meditate my body shakes to stop me, I cant seem to exercise or walk in nature either …. but I am absolutely adamant that I do not want to smoke cannabis again (I’ve listened to the cannabis clearing about 20 times now and am happy to report that today when I smelled my neighbour smoking some, it made me feel sick). Despite this one of things in me is desperate for me to get stoned again. Its very persistent and uses emotional blackmail to trigger my procrastination, self doubt, worthlessness and its using my memories against me. I caught myself thinking about dying earlier today as a way to stop whatever it is I’ve unleased on my self. Most of the time im either feeling numb or sad, whenever emotions surface they immediately disappear … kinda like they are being vacuumed out of me, its very weird and hard to put into words. I have also noticed that once its dark outside my mood improves, I have weird dreams involving me being chased (which I totally understand) but also with elements of other peoples lives in. eg dreamt of my daughter and her friend being chased by a woman and a baby whilst they were doing parkour. I spoke to her about it and she said that some time before lockdown she and her friend were playing parkour on top of some play equipment and a woman with a baby was watching.

A few days ago whatever is in my body said that it wants my body to be its home and that none of the clearings would help. I’ve tried talking to it, reasoning with it, asking it what it wants, calling in the light for it, fighting it!

Any feedback or tips that could give me will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
Nikki