As we grow up, we get most of our identity, patterns and beliefs from our family of origin. They teach us their values, their beliefs, their morals, and their patterns, both healthy and unhealthy. Our caregivers have a huge impact on our sense of self early on, but a healthy sense of personal identity starts to come when we move away from what we were taught or told, and begin to make our own determinations and decisions about who we are and who we want to be. But what if the person you want to be is more a reflection of your parents’ shadow aspects?
So many times, our family members will say or do things, and we’ll tell ourselves “I will never say that if I have kids…” or “I do NOT want to grow up and be like my mother…”. What we are rejecting is the unconscious or shadow parts of our parents that they have projected onto us. Instead of understanding and unravelling these patterns, we reject and resist them. In this resistance, we never truly address the issue, and we may now find ourselves acting out these exact same unconscious shadow patterns that we have inherited.
When we do not address these underlying issues, these unconscious patterns can erupt without warning in times of stress or overwhelm. If you are someone whose parent had anger issues and would lash out at you as a child, you probably told yourself you would NEVER do that with your children. When you are stressed out, or tired, or already angry, you may find yourself yelling or lashing out at your kids, because you have bottled up your anger and resisted this inner part of yourself. Now you have to deal with the fallout of the anger, plus the guilt and shame over doing something you judged your own parents over.
In this clearing, we will begin to move away from the conclusions and patterns that you have been holding around your parents and how you relate to them. Let Bonnie clear away the judgments, reactions, and responses that you have towards yourself when you find yourself acting out these patterns. It’s time to let go of what your parents taught you and step into who you authentically are, with the freedom and grace!